Keeping a Holy Lent, Day 24: Read Psalm 121

During a staff meeting, as my time at my previous ministry was coming to a close, one of the staff members said to me with a certain level of astonishment, “You are bullet proof.” His observation came as quite a shock to me, because I am decidedly not and I most certainly didn’t feel so at the time. Indeed, I felt a significant level of stress and, as I look back from a fairly small separation of time and geography, pain at the things that were happening to and around me.

 There were, and perhaps still are, times that I felt like a total failure. Things were less than good at work and I had internalized a lot of the particular issues and claimed a disproportionate number of those issues for myself; I felt overwhelmed by the endless tasks at hand; I was looking for a new job; and I was in counseling for the first time in my life (certainly not a failure, but even for those of us who put stock in such things we can perceive it as a deficiency in our own being).

I did take joy in many things and tried to focus on those: my family, aspects of work that were still exciting and engaging to me like worship and worship planning, bible study, and visiting with people. Mostly though, I connected to and drew from the deep well I had been establishing through my spiritual practices and disciplines. So, right now, I connect with the words of poetry sung by the psalmist:

I lift up my eyes to the hills—

from where will my help come?

My help comes from the Lord,

who made heaven and earth.

He will not let your foot be moved;

he who keeps you will not slumber.

He who keeps Israel

will neither slumber nor sleep.

The Lord is your keeper;

the Lord is your shade at your right hand.

The sun shall not strike you by day,

nor the moon by night.

The Lord will keep you from all evil;

he will keep your life.

The Lord will keep

your going out and your coming in

from this time on and for evermore.

Not long ago, as a result of a video shared on Facebook, I got reacquainted with Bobby McFerrin – of “Don’t Worry, Be Happy” fame.  On his CD “Spirityouall” I found this beautiful, wonderful, full of grace and healing gem. (Song starts at 1:20)

As I listened to it the first time, tears welled up in my eyes and soon I found myself weeping…sitting in my new office, shoulders shaking, hands over my face, weeping.  A flood of tears releasing the pent up anger, pain, frustration…all the energy I had been using to protect myself and keep myself from being vulnerable melting away.

I’m leaning on your arm, yes indeed, Lord

Oh without your love I can’t make it

No I won’t make it, O Lord, no indeed, hmm

Now I’ve turned and I’m facing the light

And I’m living life with all my might

I know being near You is the best

Love God and your neighbor, be at rest

Shalom Y’all,

Owen